5 Things No One Tells You About Living Abroad

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Preface – this is a long post. Make yourself a cup of tea.

Through looking up info on travelling to Turkey (one of the two places on my ‘must visit next’ list), I came across a really lovely blogger called Liz. I really love her blogging style and it kind of made me sad that I am a lot more swift and thoughtless with my posts. I am going to try to put as much detail into things as she does.

But anyway, she wrote this really great post on 5 things no one tells you about moving abroad, and I thought I’d quite like to write my own list. I agree with a lot of what she says, but I think our experiences are so different that I see things from a different angle as well. So, here is my list.

1. You will miss really stupid things.

A girlfriend recently took a trip to England and asked me if I wanted anything. You can get most things here in Frankfurt, but what I really fancied was a packet of Nik Naks. Now, I rarely eat junk food. I’ll eat a handful of organic corn chips from DM once in a while but I don’t really crave bad food any more. And when I was living in England I rarely ate Nik Naks. I can probably count the times I’ve eaten them on one hand. But right that moment, the thing that could bring me a slice of my home country was a packet of Nik Naks.

As an expat you suddenly really miss things that you’d never think you’d be missing. Those small things that you see every day but don’t pay attention to. A certain cereal, a certain tv show, a certain snack…things you rarely interacted with, but now you just miss the presence of that thing that makes you think of home.

I’m going back home this weekend to see my family but also because I really miss British shopping. With fashionable, bright sales staff with massive eyebrows. With sales that are not just 50 euro trousers brought down to 35 euros (come on Zara. Really?)

Sometimes, in all the excitement of leaving your home and going into something new, you forget to take in all these little things that you will miss as an expat.

2. You will feel like you’re in a bubble.

A friend said to me the other day “I’m really looking forward to getting back home and actually understanding everything that’s said around me”. I understand a small amount of German these days, but still not enough to catch snippets of passers by. And I am fully aware that, unlike in Japan, if I say something in English here, people will probably understand – I grumbled to a colleague on the bus this morning that people never use all the space in public transport which makes clumps of people near the doors while there is a lot of space in the back. The German lady next to me instantly clapped her hands and shouted loudly in German that people need to move down the bus to make room. I thanked her nicely.

Even in Japan, where I understand the language, I felt like I was in a bubble. It’s sort of like my brain is a radio – it’s main station is English, but unless it’s been tuned into other language stations, it’s not going to pick up on conversations around unless I pay attention to them. While some people don’t like this, I actually quite enjoy this feeling, since it gives me more peace and helps me focus on whatever I’m doing.

3. You will sometimes hate everything.

When I joined the JET Programme, they gave us extensive warning about the 4 stages of culture shock that we would go through;

1 Initial Euphoria (Honeymoon Period)

Anything new is intriguing and exciting.

2 Irritation and Hostility (Culture Shock)

JET participants often feel homesick and have negative attitudes towards the host culture.

3 Gradual Adjustment

JET participants start to adjust and the culture seems more familiar.

4 Adaptation and Biculturalism

JET participants are completely adjusted to the host culture and may even experience reverse culture shock upon returning to their home countries.

 

Since I had been in Japan for long periods of time before going on JET, I was already well aware of at least the first two stages. When I was 16 I spent a month in Japan travelling around with my Japanese class and staying in homestays. Everything was magical. Everything was just as I had imagined it. I came home with stars in my eyes and wouldn’t shut up about all the amazing things I had done, seen, tasted. It was very much the honeymoon phase.

Then when I was 20 I went to study at a Japanese university for a year as an exchange student. At the start everything was nice and I was really happy to be back in Japan. But then small things like waiters only addressing Asian people in our group when we ordered, or people treating me like an idiot, or things that I saw that I didn’t understand and disliked a lot all made me go through a really long period of the second stage. It wasn’t that I hated Japan (despite what the readers of my Lang-8 blog said), I just needed to vent and rant in order to arrange these feelings in my head.

It is TOTALLY normal to be super angry at your adopted country sometimes. Even if you understand the language, EVERYTHING you do will become 100x more difficult – from sending a letter, to registering as a foreigner. I am the type of person who just “gets on with it” when the “it” is something difficult, but I do often have panic attacks about really minor things. My little sister’s present was 3 days late for her birthday because, while finding something she likes and buying a card is easy, queuing up at the post office, asking for it to be sent the right way, asking for the correct box to send it in and getting all this kind of stuff correct really scares me. It’s so easy back home; I just go to the corner shop and ask the nice lady who knows my mum to post it for me, but here I have to deal with burly, grumpy German men with beards who will ram the nice bag I bought my sister into a box I don’t want and force me to use a sending option that doesn’t suit my needs.

No matter how much you love your new country – as I did Japan – there will be days when you want to scream at the top of your lungs WHY CAN’T THINGS JUST BE LIKE THEY ARE AT HOME????

3. You will sometimes feel very very lonely.

This also differs from experience to experience. I have been slowly writing a different post about expat friends and the troubles they can cause, but in general it can be very hard finding people you feel close to while abroad.

While studying and working in Japan it was easy for me to find people – aside from the fact that anyone non-Asian is suddenly your “comrade”, we had exchange student groups and JET Programme communities that helped group us together. However, that doesn’t always mean you’ll get along really well with these people. Sometimes you’ll wonder “if I was back at home, would I be friends with a person like this?”

Luckily, over time you do tend to weed out people you are perhaps not so fond of and bond better with people you think are really great – though we don’t talk as much as we used to since she’s in a far away country, I found a certain Canadian girl in Japan who I think will be one of those friends who last a lifetime.

When you do feel lonely as an expat, all you can do is artificially build your social circle, and this takes a lot of time and effort. When I found that, while my colleagues are wonderful people, we don’t share a whole lot of common hobbies, I made it my mission to go out and meet as many people as possible. Every. Single. Night. I was out doing something, going to an event, a meetup, going for drinks with that person I started talking to at that thing last week. For a solid 3 months I was doing this and I was exhausted, but I managed to make a social circle and meet people who I felt were a little bit more like me.

4. People back home just won’t understand.

One of the hardest things about reverse culture shock is that people just don’t understand what it’s like to be abroad. While your expat friends would LOVE to sit and listen to the funny thing that happened on the S Bahn on the way to work with the group of Portuguese buskers who annoy people with their saxophone playing, your family do not. Your friends and family back home cannot relate to the things you have been through, or the things you deal with on a daily basis.

An extreme example of this for me comes from the days after the tsunami in Japan. Every day for 2 weeks I skyped my family as soon as I got in from work, mostly crying because I was scared. I’ve not asked them about it, but I’m pretty sure they felt helpless. I was nowhere near in dire danger in Mie, but there were expats leaving anyway and people back home freaking out because the media was blowing everything out of proportion. Mum happened to say something negative about the Japanese government, and I suddenly felt so protective over the crappy government that was epic failing all over the place. Because they were MY government, and I was there, with the images on the tv all the time, and the earthquake warnings happening and living in constant fear. That government were the people looking out for me (or pretending to) and so I just felt so angry at my mum, who was sat in the British countryside safe and sound, for saying something negative. I just felt she didn’t understand, and I guess she really didn’t.

Since I’ve not really been back home for a long period of time since becoming a full time expat, I can’t really give advice in this section. But I imagine as you slowly settle back into your home country, this feeling of frustration will go away.

5. It will make you an infinitely better person.

I’m reading an awesome book by Caitlin Moran right now (if you are a woman, I urge you to read it) and there is one point in the book where Moran says that having a baby is an experience she thinks most people should go through because you just become a bigger, better person for it.

I have never had a child before so I wouldn’t know, but as I read that I scoffed and thought that living abroad does all of that and more. Living abroad shows that you can cope in high stress. You can adapt to new surroundings. You can make the most of confusing situations. You can live in a different language. It is simply amazing how much the simple (hahahahah) act of living abroad can change a person. You suddenly understand what’s important in life; you have to take with you only the belongings that are the most important but you also understand what abstract things are important to you, too. What kinds of friends you cherish the most. What you look for in a relationship. What you need in order to live a fulfilling and happy life.

 

…So that’s my list!

The original blog post that I read is here, so please do check it out and compare mine and hers with your own experiences (if you are a fellow expat!) If you have anything else to add to this topic, I’d love to hear from you so go ahead and comment away!

Memrise – Language Learning

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Since I seem to love signing up to language learning websites and then never using them again, I signed up to Memrise ages ago, used it once and then never went back. After meeting up with a friend who now uses the site on a daily basis, I was persuaded to give it another go…and I’m pretty hooked!

So here’s how it works. You choose various courses that are split up into levels. Each course is a list of vocab that you will memorise – not with sentences though, like in Duolingo.

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Each item of vocab is presented with various “mems” – prompts to remind you of the word. If you don’t like any of the mems already made, you can create your own, but I find that there are often really excellent ones already so there is no need to re-invent the wheel.

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Here is another great example. When I learn languages I often use a similar method to remember vocab so this fits perfectly with my learning style.

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After you have picked a mem and studied your vocab, you are given ways to input the words – by word selection and by typing the words out. Sadly caps and special letters are not taken into account so it’s easy to get a little lazy when typing the words in.

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What I really like, though, is that if you get a word wrong, it makes you copy the word down so you can commit the spelling (or in my case, gender) to memory a lot better.

When you start to study a word, you “plant” it into your brain and are encouraged to water the plants on a regular basis. Then you can plant more and more words until you have turned the whole vocab list into a beautiful garden!

I’m finding this to be a great way to learn German vocab (as well as brush up on forgotten Japanese) while only spending 20 mins or so a day on it. Of course, if you get obsessed with the leaderboard then you have to spend a lot more time on there 😉

If there are any other Memrise users out there then add me as a friend – my username is Sherbet. Let me know what you think of the site if you have used it before!

Moti Mahal Frankfurt

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Since my boyfriend is Indian, I’ve been learning lots about Indian food since we’ve been dating. When I’m on my own or with friends in a restaurant, I’ll panic and just go for a korma but I love it when Boyfriend can show me new options that aren’t scary and confusing. We’d spotted an Indian place that he’d not tried out and so we took a night off from him cooking me amazing food and went there – a restaurant called Moti Mahal.

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As can be expected from an Indian restaurant, there were plenty of vegetarian options to choose from. Everything clearly explained whether it was spicy or not so we chose two normal spiced vegetarian dishes to share. Now, I don’t know if it’s because of Boyfriend being Indian or something, but the food was made to be pretty spicy. In fact, I couldn’t handle it and had to stop. I can handle spice to an average level, but when my tongue is burning I know it’s time to stop. The boyfriend, however, loved it.

I told my German teacher that I had been to this restaurant and she says that it’s her secret place because it’s always quiet and (so she says) is the best Indian food in town.

The service was pretty good and just as my teacher said, it was very quiet for a Saturday evening. The namaste beer was also very delicious – something we’d never tried before.

I’d like to try the place again and maybe ask for a little less spice next time, since it does seem to be a good place.

You can find Moti Mahal at Dreieichstraße 37, 60594 Frankfurt

Cafe Charivari

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The other week my boyfriend had a gig in Bornheim and so while I waited for him to do his soundcheck, I found a nice cafe nearby. I’d been to Cafe Charivari before, on a warm evening last summer. They have a side garden tot he left which is simply beautiful at night.

I ordered an Indian chai and was happy to see that it came with warm cream and honey – usually they’ll just give it to you all ready made so it’s not the right level of sweetness for me.

I find that in Frankfurt when you order tea you’ll get one of two types of drink; a cup of hot water and a packaged (and cheap) tea bag, or some Kusumi tea. Neither of these options are worth 3 or 4 euros, so I was really happy to see the range of cheap tea they had at Charivari. Take a look! –

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On the menu was also homemade quiche which I’d like to try out some time, as well as a few other dinner options.

When the weather warms up I think you’ll find me here a lot more often. I simply can’t resist a sparkly garden and a good cup of tea!!

Find Cafe Charivari at Berger Straße 99, 60316 Frankfurt am Main

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