Things That Have Changed Since I Last Did Online Dating

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So I find myself single again, after having thought that perhaps I wouldn’t be single again. Having to deal with this alongside my new, challenging job has been tough, but I believe two things:

  1. You learn something from every relationship.
  2. It is a complete waste of time to sit and be sad over something that you cannot change. You cannot force someone to be different to how they are, but you can pick yourself up and find someone who is more suitable.

So after a brief mourning period, I have put myself back on the market. Yeah, I still get a pain in my chest when I see something that reminds me of ex-bfnd, but deep down I know that although it was great, there will be someone out there who is better for/to me than he was.

I have reunited myself with my two old friends, Tinder and OK Cupid, wrote a really witty profile for the latter (in the style of a job advert) and something catchy for the former. Here is what I have found so far:

People still consider it a taboo to be on online dating sites

I was out in the pub with a group of friends the other night, and I was talking about a date I had just come from. One guy at the table said “I’m ashamed to say, but yes I use online dating”. I told him there is absolutely nothing wrong with using apps and sites to find someone. It’s bloody hard to find people these days – people our age are working long, long hours and there aren’t community places anymore where people can just randomly meet. For us girls, it’s often uncomfortable and unwelcome to be hit on by unknown guys in, say, clubs and bars. So it’s good to be able to approve who can approach us.

Guys still ask “how are you finding it on here?”

It’s always the same – you ask about their job, where they are, what they do for fun, then it comes. “How are you finding it on here?”

I used to be confused about this, but when I thought about it, as a recruiter I do the exact same thing. I ask my candidates if they have been applying to any other jobs, or if they have other interviews. I do this to understand how loyal they’ll be to me, and to prevent me breaking my neck to get them a good job, only for them to get an offer somewhere else first.

Guys – crappy guys, nice guys, interesting guys – keep asking me the same, and I guess for the same reasons. They want to see how many dates I’m going on, to see if they have competition. I usually complain about guys saying gross things to me, but once this week I replied with the truth – that I have had a fair few coffee dates already, some guys I really liked, some guys were a bit meh. I thought maybe the guy would be put off by this, but he was ok with it. I guess everyone is in the same boat.

Tinder is bug-ridden and violates your privacy

Tinder is still a great app, because I can control who can contact me. But there’s an update of recent that makes the app crash whenever I’m not logged into wifi (it seems from the app reviews that I’m by far not the only one).

Not only that, but it now takes your university and job title and puts it on your “card”. If you’ve not upgraded and disabled this yet, people swiping you probably can still see it. Be warned.

 

I’m finding the “scene” a lot better than when I was on it before. Maybe I have a clearer vision of what I want (or even, that before I was going on dates without expecting to end up dating someone). My dad’s girlfriend told me that I should meet with as many guys as possible as it’s always better in real life than over text. True enough, I have met with a couple of guys who I would have normally turned down online, and they both turned out to be really great IRL.

I’ll be going slow this time, because I really don’t want my next relationship to fail. I’ve learnt that actually I would like someone to be by my side, I’d like someone to support and to support me, and I want to build a future with someone.

And at the very least, dating posts seem to be well received on here, so it’ll provide good reading material for you guys! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Comments

  1. Sorry things didn’t work out.
    bevchen recently posted…35 Before 35 โ€“ Baking: Maple Pecan Nut CookiesMy Profile

  2. Ugh, I’m in the same boat. About to start online dating as well – I think ๐Ÿ˜‰ And you’re right, it’s always an entertaining blog post if nothing else! Let the games begin haha!
    Linda recently posted…A blast from the pastMy Profile

  3. Oh no! I’m very sorry to hear about you and your ex. I think your two sets of advice are right on the mark, and they’re usually what I tell myself after a hard, long relationship has ended.

    All of my friends here in the states are online dating. All of my female colleagues are single, with half of them on okcupid scoping out the scene.

    One friend of mine found (potential?) success on Coffee and Bagels. Do you have this in the UK? It takes your facebook network to a wider scale and matches you up with people that are nearby/goodmatches/similarhobbies etc…

    Best of luck to you! Keep us updated!
    Mary recently posted…How My Vietnamese Mom Forgot ThanksgivingMy Profile

  4. Sorry to hear the news. You’re pretty awesome so I hope you’ll find someone equally as awesome! Good luck on the interwebs ๐Ÿ˜‰
    Janelle recently posted…Walking With Intentionโ€ฆTo The DungeonMy Profile

  5. Oh Charlotte, you’ve taken the very best with you out of said relationship. They are always there to make us learn!
    And over here, the more dating apps you are on, the better it seems. No one is ashamed at all that they are looking for someone online. I’ve cancelled all of mine because it ended up taking more of my time than I could give.

  6. I’m really sorry to hear things didn’t work out with your ex, but you have a truly brilliant attitude. Go you ๐Ÿ™‚

    I second the advice about going out with as many guys as possible: I probably only went on about 7 or 8 dates with Guardian Soulmates before I met B but although a couple of them were terrible (the alcoholic, the racist, the one who was at least 15 years older than his profile photo, etc), I had a really fun, interesting time otherwise meeting the sorts of men I would never otherwise meet – and also going on dates to places I’d not usually go to, which was ace. It was just what I needed at the time, and I really enjoyed (most of) it. I’d only ever been out with musicians up until that point (which was NOT a conscious decision!!) and it was only through online dating that I found a historian – a historian! – who blew the rest of them out of the water ๐Ÿ™‚
    Christie @ A Sausage Has Two recently posted…Recipe: Kohlrouladen (cabbage leaves stuffed with beef)My Profile

  7. Oh man, I’m sorry things didn’t work out! But I’m glad you have a better out look on the whole online dating thing. I’ve been thinking of doing online dating because I haven’t been on a date in forever.
    ~Sara
    Sara Strauss recently posted…Watch | Read | Listen {December 2015}My Profile

  8. You can edit the work and uni details thing but it’s still very easy to track someone down outside of Tinder – a friend of mine has had a couple of guys find and message her on Facebook, like “Ha ha, I stalked you, wanna date?”

    And I guess we guys ask how the online dating thing is going because it’s a little awkward and maybe addressing the elephant in the room will break the ice more easily and give us common ground, or even a funny story or too. That said, I wouldn’t want to go “oh god yeah, online dating, all these women are crazy lol!”

    That wouldn’t backfire At. All.

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