Why You’re Not Getting Replies in Online Dating


I’ve taken a bit of a back seat in my online dating life. There is a guy I’ve been on a couple of dates with but I don’t really go out of my way to fill my week with dates like I used to. At the same time, though, I do still get a lot of messages.

Some of them I do reply to. Most of them I don’t. Sometimes I tell them exactly why I’m not interested – I feel it’s helping them. Some people are just very bad at online dating.

So, if you’ve sent a message and the recipient hasn’t replied, perhaps it’s because of one of the following:

You have terrible photos.

I have already written before about the kinds of things you should think about with photos. But just to recap – your main photo should be you alone, preferably doing something fun. Then the others can be with friends of the same sex, but preferably ones of you still doing something fun.

If you have just one photo, then no. If you have just one photo of your face, then no. If you have a photo with you with a girl, it could be your ex, so no.

I know how hard it is to get photos of yourself doing fun things. But tell your friends to help – I’m sure they’d be happy to!

You’ve not written anything in your bio.

If you can’t be arsed to write about yourself then I can’t be arsed to get to know you. Give me a blurb.

You’ve made zero effort with your comment.

“Hey babe”, “Wow, you’re gorgeous” etc will NOT get replies. Read my profile, you can see many things about me to ask about.

Now, I can also be guilty of this. It’s mainly because guys don’t tend to write enough on their profiles so I often say “Hey, how’s your day going?” It shows interest without having to hook onto anything from the profile. This isn’t very good online dating and I am a bad person.

You’ve been rude AF in your message.


I only just realised I forgot to wipe out his name under the messages. Whoops.

If you’re rude, then it’s not going to happen. The guy above, his photo was very nice. Shirt and chunky jumper, a cute smile. The kind of guy you’d take home to mum. But his first like was “want to fuck?” to which I replied “no”.

That was way back last year, and he does reply to me again from time to time, each time I turn him down. The above convo was from last Thursday. He’s not taking the hint.

I am just not interested.

Sometimes, I get a perfect message from a guy doing all the right things. But I am just not interested. I really wish I could control who I’m attracted to, because I would have found myself a nice guy by now. But I can’t.

Most of the time when I’m not interested I will just reply and say thank you, but no thank you. That can open a whole load of Bye Felipe, though.

Note that if you don’t get a reply, DON’T bug them again! Just leave it! They’re not interested.


If anyone has any advice on how to get replies, leave it in the comments!


  1. Luke Parker says:

    So being the fact that I’m also on online dating, trying to wade my way through it all (being socially awkward and all) I have to agree with you on all but the last point (I am just not interested.)

    Now if you have that perfect message from that guy that’s doing all the right things, then wouldn’t it be a better idea to actually message them and say you’re not interested? I mean if you don’t then you’re basically saying one of two things to that person
    1) “I’m very rude and I’m not worth your time.”
    2) “You are doing something very wrong.”

    One of which paints you in a bad light, and the other paints them in a bad light.

    Though saying all of that women are exactly the same when it comes to your first three points.

    Anyway that’s just my thoughts on it from the point of view of a guy who seems to be failing at online dating 😀

    • Charlotte says:

      Hey Luke, thank you for your reply.
      I’d say 70% of the time, I do reply saying that. But as I said in the post, I tend to get a lot of “Bye Felipe” style butt hurt replies back. When that happens it kind of knocks me back as I’m trying to be nice to them.

      • Luke Parker says:

        No props 🙂

        I know what you mean, luckily I haven’t got any of those kind of replies back from women (I just get completely ignored instead :D). But I think on both sides, the majority male and female users think they are the best thing since sliced bread, coupled with the general consensus that sitting behind a keyboard on the internet seems to make people forget about being polite, courteous and not an all round douche.

        I mean, I can sort of understand why I get ignored. I’m most certainly far from the most ideal person in the looks department (working on it) and maybe it’s creepy or something when you ask about something the other person has in their profile (Like in a sense of what’s it like? What do you like about it? etc).

        But for me in regards to getting ‘I’m not interested.’ replies, I’d much rather that happen because it shows they’ve taken the time to have a look at my profile, probably consider it etc. and then think ‘Not my type.’ rather than view my profile and then ignore the message.

  2. That Tinder message exchange reminded me… another curious thing that (some) men like to do is send unsolicited pics of their dicks – this can happen at any stage, including after a few dates. Why don’t they get that women just don’t work that way?

    Anyway, good luck with that project 🙂

  3. Another good instagram to follow is feminist_tinder. People send her submissions from guys being assholes on tinder basically! Just like that guy above,

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