5 Things No One Tells You About Living Abroad

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Preface – this is a long post. Make yourself a cup of tea.

Through looking up info on travelling to Turkey (one of the two places on my ‘must visit next’ list), I came across a really lovely blogger called Liz. I really love her blogging style and it kind of made me sad that I am a lot more swift and thoughtless with my posts. I am going to try to put as much detail into things as she does.

But anyway, she wrote this really great post on 5 things no one tells you about moving abroad, and I thought I’d quite like to write my own list. I agree with a lot of what she says, but I think our experiences are so different that I see things from a different angle as well. So, here is my list.

1. You will miss really stupid things.

A girlfriend recently took a trip to England and asked me if I wanted anything. You can get most things here in Frankfurt, but what I really fancied was a packet of Nik Naks. Now, I rarely eat junk food. I’ll eat a handful of organic corn chips from DM once in a while but I don’t really crave bad food any more. And when I was living in England I rarely ate Nik Naks. I can probably count the times I’ve eaten them on one hand. But right that moment, the thing that could bring me a slice of my home country was a packet of Nik Naks.

As an expat you suddenly really miss things that you’d never think you’d be missing. Those small things that you see every day but don’t pay attention to. A certain cereal, a certain tv show, a certain snack…things you rarely interacted with, but now you just miss the presence of that thing that makes you think of home.

I’m going back home this weekend to see my family but also because I really miss British shopping. With fashionable, bright sales staff with massive eyebrows. With sales that are not just 50 euro trousers brought down to 35 euros (come on Zara. Really?)

Sometimes, in all the excitement of leaving your home and going into something new, you forget to take in all these little things that you will miss as an expat.

2. You will feel like you’re in a bubble.

A friend said to me the other day “I’m really looking forward to getting back home and actually understanding everything that’s said around me”. I understand a small amount of German these days, but still not enough to catch snippets of passers by. And I am fully aware that, unlike in Japan, if I say something in English here, people will probably understand – I grumbled to a colleague on the bus this morning that people never use all the space in public transport which makes clumps of people near the doors while there is a lot of space in the back. The German lady next to me instantly clapped her hands and shouted loudly in German that people need to move down the bus to make room. I thanked her nicely.

Even in Japan, where I understand the language, I felt like I was in a bubble. It’s sort of like my brain is a radio – it’s main station is English, but unless it’s been tuned into other language stations, it’s not going to pick up on conversations around unless I pay attention to them. While some people don’t like this, I actually quite enjoy this feeling, since it gives me more peace and helps me focus on whatever I’m doing.

3. You will sometimes hate everything.

When I joined the JET Programme, they gave us extensive warning about the 4 stages of culture shock that we would go through;

1 Initial Euphoria (Honeymoon Period)

Anything new is intriguing and exciting.

2 Irritation and Hostility (Culture Shock)

JET participants often feel homesick and have negative attitudes towards the host culture.

3 Gradual Adjustment

JET participants start to adjust and the culture seems more familiar.

4 Adaptation and Biculturalism

JET participants are completely adjusted to the host culture and may even experience reverse culture shock upon returning to their home countries.

 

Since I had been in Japan for long periods of time before going on JET, I was already well aware of at least the first two stages. When I was 16 I spent a month in Japan travelling around with my Japanese class and staying in homestays. Everything was magical. Everything was just as I had imagined it. I came home with stars in my eyes and wouldn’t shut up about all the amazing things I had done, seen, tasted. It was very much the honeymoon phase.

Then when I was 20 I went to study at a Japanese university for a year as an exchange student. At the start everything was nice and I was really happy to be back in Japan. But then small things like waiters only addressing Asian people in our group when we ordered, or people treating me like an idiot, or things that I saw that I didn’t understand and disliked a lot all made me go through a really long period of the second stage. It wasn’t that I hated Japan (despite what the readers of my Lang-8 blog said), I just needed to vent and rant in order to arrange these feelings in my head.

It is TOTALLY normal to be super angry at your adopted country sometimes. Even if you understand the language, EVERYTHING you do will become 100x more difficult – from sending a letter, to registering as a foreigner. I am the type of person who just “gets on with it” when the “it” is something difficult, but I do often have panic attacks about really minor things. My little sister’s present was 3 days late for her birthday because, while finding something she likes and buying a card is easy, queuing up at the post office, asking for it to be sent the right way, asking for the correct box to send it in and getting all this kind of stuff correct really scares me. It’s so easy back home; I just go to the corner shop and ask the nice lady who knows my mum to post it for me, but here I have to deal with burly, grumpy German men with beards who will ram the nice bag I bought my sister into a box I don’t want and force me to use a sending option that doesn’t suit my needs.

No matter how much you love your new country – as I did Japan – there will be days when you want to scream at the top of your lungs WHY CAN’T THINGS JUST BE LIKE THEY ARE AT HOME????

3. You will sometimes feel very very lonely.

This also differs from experience to experience. I have been slowly writing a different post about expat friends and the troubles they can cause, but in general it can be very hard finding people you feel close to while abroad.

While studying and working in Japan it was easy for me to find people – aside from the fact that anyone non-Asian is suddenly your “comrade”, we had exchange student groups and JET Programme communities that helped group us together. However, that doesn’t always mean you’ll get along really well with these people. Sometimes you’ll wonder “if I was back at home, would I be friends with a person like this?”

Luckily, over time you do tend to weed out people you are perhaps not so fond of and bond better with people you think are really great – though we don’t talk as much as we used to since she’s in a far away country, I found a certain Canadian girl in Japan who I think will be one of those friends who last a lifetime.

When you do feel lonely as an expat, all you can do is artificially build your social circle, and this takes a lot of time and effort. When I found that, while my colleagues are wonderful people, we don’t share a whole lot of common hobbies, I made it my mission to go out and meet as many people as possible. Every. Single. Night. I was out doing something, going to an event, a meetup, going for drinks with that person I started talking to at that thing last week. For a solid 3 months I was doing this and I was exhausted, but I managed to make a social circle and meet people who I felt were a little bit more like me.

4. People back home just won’t understand.

One of the hardest things about reverse culture shock is that people just don’t understand what it’s like to be abroad. While your expat friends would LOVE to sit and listen to the funny thing that happened on the S Bahn on the way to work with the group of Portuguese buskers who annoy people with their saxophone playing, your family do not. Your friends and family back home cannot relate to the things you have been through, or the things you deal with on a daily basis.

An extreme example of this for me comes from the days after the tsunami in Japan. Every day for 2 weeks I skyped my family as soon as I got in from work, mostly crying because I was scared. I’ve not asked them about it, but I’m pretty sure they felt helpless. I was nowhere near in dire danger in Mie, but there were expats leaving anyway and people back home freaking out because the media was blowing everything out of proportion. Mum happened to say something negative about the Japanese government, and I suddenly felt so protective over the crappy government that was epic failing all over the place. Because they were MY government, and I was there, with the images on the tv all the time, and the earthquake warnings happening and living in constant fear. That government were the people looking out for me (or pretending to) and so I just felt so angry at my mum, who was sat in the British countryside safe and sound, for saying something negative. I just felt she didn’t understand, and I guess she really didn’t.

Since I’ve not really been back home for a long period of time since becoming a full time expat, I can’t really give advice in this section. But I imagine as you slowly settle back into your home country, this feeling of frustration will go away.

5. It will make you an infinitely better person.

I’m reading an awesome book by Caitlin Moran right now (if you are a woman, I urge you to read it) and there is one point in the book where Moran says that having a baby is an experience she thinks most people should go through because you just become a bigger, better person for it.

I have never had a child before so I wouldn’t know, but as I read that I scoffed and thought that living abroad does all of that and more. Living abroad shows that you can cope in high stress. You can adapt to new surroundings. You can make the most of confusing situations. You can live in a different language. It is simply amazing how much the simple (hahahahah) act of living abroad can change a person. You suddenly understand what’s important in life; you have to take with you only the belongings that are the most important but you also understand what abstract things are important to you, too. What kinds of friends you cherish the most. What you look for in a relationship. What you need in order to live a fulfilling and happy life.

 

…So that’s my list!

The original blog post that I read is here, so please do check it out and compare mine and hers with your own experiences (if you are a fellow expat!) If you have anything else to add to this topic, I’d love to hear from you so go ahead and comment away!

Hot Yoga

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So for a month or so I’ve been going to a thing called “hot yoga” (otherwise known as Bikram yoga) with a girlfriend of mine. She’s been doing it for a while and finally¬†persuaded me to go along with her. Bikram yoga is like regular yoga, only in 40c heat and 40% humidity. And also, where in normal yoga the routine changes each time depending on the students, Bikram yoga uses the same 90 min set every time.

If it sounds scary, that’s because it is scary. The first time I went, the teacher told me that if I feel dizzy, like a want to vomit or black out, I’m doing it right.

So why am I doing it??

In actuality it’s not that bad. Often, going into the pose I feel really ill but once I’m there and I’m breathing as the teacher is telling me to, I feel stable and not like I’m going to throw up. And I sweat. Everyone sweats. You have to bring a full towel to cover your yoga mat because you will sweat so much it’ll be as wet as if you’ve dunked it into a swimming pool by the time you’ve finished.

I went for the first time because I was looking at lots of photos of yoga people on Tumblr and I decided I wanted to be cool like them. I am ridiculously influenced by things I see around me. I’ve just finished painting my nails green after seeing a girl at work with green nails and deciding I want green nails too. I made the boyfriend a strawberry – avocado – spinach sandwich the other day because I saw a photo of it online and decided I wanted one. And so with yoga, I decided I wanted to be the people in the photos and so I joined my friend in her class.

I’m going to be completely honest here and say that while mental pictures of me being cool and flexible were what brought me to Bikram yoga, it is the changes to my body that keep me going. Sure, it’s water weight. But you burn about 1000 calories each class, and I do see a difference the morning after every session. My legs look amazing. So amazing I just go out wearing knee high socks and I don’t even care. I’m 26, I go to the gym often, I eat well and now I have this one thing that boosts my confidence and my legs look amazing and I don’t even care if I’m not “meant” to wear knee high socks.

The other reason why I keep going back is that I have pretty weak knees and the heat in the room makes the exercises a lot kinder to my joints. I’m a lot more flexible in the hot room, and my knees aren’t nagging me nearly as much any more. I feel they are much stronger which is great.

The downside is that it IS super scary. Being told that wanting to pass out is normal is usually a sign that you should get the hell out of there. I still can’t do the whole routine through. There’s this pose called the camel pose which looks simple but comes towards the end of the routine and I can’t even start to bend back – I just want to vomit. The best I can do it kneel “Japanese style” and wish for the day that my Bikram sea sickness goes away.

The last scary part is that the routine and the teachers push you. If you clicked on the camel pose video above you’d have heard the teacher say “it’s supposed to hurt”. Things like that are said often. They want you to push yourself beyond your boundaries and stretch that little bit more but often it’s said in ways that sound like they don’t have your health as their priority. However, when doing this kind of yoga you really need to just listen to your body – you know your limits – and use your common sense.

HERE is a nice video showing each of the poses in the routine. It’s pretty positive. But if you search you can find lots of negative things about the yoga and its founder. Personally, Bikram yoga makes me feel better about myself and as long as I look after myself, I don’t see it having a negative impact on me.

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